The future is a terrifying place

Assalamualaikum and hai readers.

I'm currently "enjoying" my 1 week holiday. 

When I sat for the end-of-posting examination last week, I already made up a mental sketch of what I'm going to do during the holiday. I imagined myself being happy and content; getting to enjoy doing things I didn't get to do for the past 11 weeks. I thought I'd be really delighted and wake up with smile on my face every single day.

But I was wrong. Sadly, it didn't happen the way I thought it would be.

I feel rather e m p t y. 

I spent too much time worrying about the future. What will my future be like? Will I be okay? Can I survive? I'm not even talking about the future life "there" yet. I'm scared of living in this world.

I couldn't stop playing what ifs. I'm even worried of silly things like: what if I can't pass the exams? what if I have to extend another year? what if something happens in between and I can't finish medical school? ...Silly right? Why am I wasting time thinking about things that are uncertain? Let God decides.

Putting that aside, there were actually many beautiful moments throughout medical posting that I'd like to cherish forever. It somehow feels special, maybe because it was my first posting in clinical year. The first time is always the hardest, they say.

I am sincerely thankful to many people, surely you can guess who are on the list, but house officers (HO) and medical assistants (MA) are among the honourable mentions. HAHA.

I learnt how to do venepuncture for blood taking, arterial puncture for arterial blood gas (ABG), peritoneal tapping and many other procedures in ward from the HOs. I know they're tired from working long hours non-stop and I'm sure they're looking forward to go home, sleep and do nothing else, but the fact that they still want to spend time to teach medical students is really priceless. I always secretly praying for them; may Allah bless their souls. I thought it'd be annoying when students ask for HO's stamp/chop when they're obviously busy. I often got remarks like, "kau ni kerja mintak chop je kan?" or "aku dah agak dah kau ni memang nak chop je" LOL that can't be helped since our logbook needs to be filled with doctor's stamp after observing/assisting/performing any procedures in the hospital. I sometimes couldn't bear to watch HOs getting yelled at by specialists, because they're kind to us, but yeah, that's life.

As for the MAs, they're kind. HEHE. I always think asking MA for help or guidance could be a better alternative to avoid the garang nurses (they're kind though). Well, MAs are mostly males so they are more easy going; that could be the reason. Once, there was a medical assistant who taught us from A to Z on how to insert a continuous bladder drainage (CBD) a.k.a tiub air kencing to a patient. He even drew a diagram on a piece of paper to aid our understanding.

Other than that, I really like it when random medical officers (MO) treat us like friends. YES. READ IT AGAIN. IT'S MEDICAL OFFICER, NOT HOUSE OFFICER. Treating us like friends by means of having a conversation about life, make jokes and membawang. LOL. Kalau dengan HO tu logik lagilah nak membawang sebab jarak umur tak jauh mana, tapi bila dengan MO tu kelakau lah pula. (p/s: but in my case, the MOs are still young, thus it was possible to membawang). Aku balik hospital dengan bau bawang agaknya.

The future is a terrifying place, at least that's what I believe in, but we actually have the choice to make the future less terrifying, that is, by working hard so that the doors to good opportunities can be wide opened. HAAA GITTEW.